Thank you for your honesty, Asha. There’s a lot here, raw, exposed, and vulnerable. I’m glad you - all parts of you- trusted us enough to know that we could hold this space for you.
Only since you mention at the end something about feedback or stories… are you familiar with soul retrieval? The idea is that when something traumatic happens to us our soul can splinter. This can feel much like what you described about not being present. I was not able to connect to my three-year-old until this part of me was retrieved. I had also lost parts of me at two other ages. But what was so profound was having these parts of me brought back and then me having to accept responsibility for her safety moving forward.
I appreciate how you talk about your four year-old. It sounds like you’ve developed a real relationship with her and can honor her fears and needs without overriding her or shutting her in the closet. (I spent a lot of time putting my three year-old in the closet)
I’m also thinking about the quote from Seneca: “ sometimes even just to live as an act of courage”
I’ve never pursued soul retrieval, per se, but through therapy and my own dogged persistence, I’ve been steadily gathering back in the many pieces of myself that I lost through trauma or gave away via projection. It’s powerful work, gathering yourself in like that and learning how to carry all that you are and have been.
A week late in reading this, but I love it. It’s one of the best real life descriptions of the mindfulness practice of noticing your emotions without needing to act on them.
Beautiful. I am inspired by your account of learning to show up even when you most want to run away. Two years into 12 step recovery, this is a skill that I am just barely beginning to navigate. More accurately, as I give up my major addiction, I find myself using other tools to dissociate from the moment, its triggers, and my baggage. I still have to try to make life into manageable, bite-size pieces, it seems. Thankfully, I am learning that most of the time life is not as terrifying as I think it will be, and when it is, there are villages forming inside and out to cope with the damage. Because I forget that party of being human. Yes, it makes us terribly vulnerable. But it also makes most of us very caring and willing to help each other through all the worst and some of the best that life has to offer. It makes us adaptable, changeable, provided we are willing to open our hearts and minds just a little. This is the miracle of daily recovery in my life. The willingness to start to witness and learn how to stay put for the us-ness of human life. I hope I can keep doing it as you have so plainly and lusciously described. 🙏
Thank you for your honesty, Asha. There’s a lot here, raw, exposed, and vulnerable. I’m glad you - all parts of you- trusted us enough to know that we could hold this space for you.
Only since you mention at the end something about feedback or stories… are you familiar with soul retrieval? The idea is that when something traumatic happens to us our soul can splinter. This can feel much like what you described about not being present. I was not able to connect to my three-year-old until this part of me was retrieved. I had also lost parts of me at two other ages. But what was so profound was having these parts of me brought back and then me having to accept responsibility for her safety moving forward.
I appreciate how you talk about your four year-old. It sounds like you’ve developed a real relationship with her and can honor her fears and needs without overriding her or shutting her in the closet. (I spent a lot of time putting my three year-old in the closet)
I’m also thinking about the quote from Seneca: “ sometimes even just to live as an act of courage”
Thanks for sticking around 🧡
I’ve never pursued soul retrieval, per se, but through therapy and my own dogged persistence, I’ve been steadily gathering back in the many pieces of myself that I lost through trauma or gave away via projection. It’s powerful work, gathering yourself in like that and learning how to carry all that you are and have been.
Thanks for sticking with me here, Jan. ❤️
Wholeness is a lifelong journey 🧡
Hi Asha,
Thank you for the beautiful sharing of your thoughts and feelings. Your words always lead me to deeper self reflection
So valuable
A week late in reading this, but I love it. It’s one of the best real life descriptions of the mindfulness practice of noticing your emotions without needing to act on them.
Asha, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Holding you in light with all of us wanting to be whole and human. <3
Beautiful. I am inspired by your account of learning to show up even when you most want to run away. Two years into 12 step recovery, this is a skill that I am just barely beginning to navigate. More accurately, as I give up my major addiction, I find myself using other tools to dissociate from the moment, its triggers, and my baggage. I still have to try to make life into manageable, bite-size pieces, it seems. Thankfully, I am learning that most of the time life is not as terrifying as I think it will be, and when it is, there are villages forming inside and out to cope with the damage. Because I forget that party of being human. Yes, it makes us terribly vulnerable. But it also makes most of us very caring and willing to help each other through all the worst and some of the best that life has to offer. It makes us adaptable, changeable, provided we are willing to open our hearts and minds just a little. This is the miracle of daily recovery in my life. The willingness to start to witness and learn how to stay put for the us-ness of human life. I hope I can keep doing it as you have so plainly and lusciously described. 🙏
Oh, Holly. You do me great honor. I’m so glad you’re here.
Thank you ✨️ me too!!