You're a winner! Yes, you! And you, too!

Not giving out cars. I'm not Oprah.

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If you’ve been around these parts for more than a minute you know, I’m not a big fan of the holidays. However! That doesn’t mean I don’t know how to celebrate. It’s just that I have strong opinions about what to celebrate and how, and what I think is worth celebrating is YOU! Also, ME!

We’ve all worked very hard this year, I’m sure, to show up for the world and our people the best we know how. As I said in my acceptance speech last year (delivered to the cat who was, I swear, very impressed), “You practiced your integrity like a champ in the past year, I’m guessing. It was probably not always easy. It might have involved some mistakes. That’s okay. Mistakes are a feature, not a bug in the system.”

So, have we been imperfect in 2024? YES! Did we keep trying anyway? YES!

That’s enough for me, and for all of us who are now winners in the second annual, totally made-up, utterly self-defined, and self-selected Integrity Awards!!

Without further ado, here are the awards I’m awarding myself this year:

Savoring Every Second: Blue Ribbon!

This year saw my oldest kid finally move out of the house to live with his girlfriend. My youngest is also halfway through their senior year of high school and already talking about signing a shared lease on an apartment for their first year of community college. It could be argued that I’ve been, let’s say, a tad FREAKED OUT about all of this. But the flipside of freaked out is PAYING ATTENTION. I’ve paid really deep attention in the last year to my kids, and what is it that the great Mary Oliver says?

“Attention is the beginning of devotion.”

I am crazy devoted to these amazing young people I’ve raised. We’ve shared meals and vacations, hugs and kisses, jokes and texts. I haven’t fussed about things— like early curfews or the hoarding of dirty dishes in their bedrooms— that just Do. Not. Matter. at this stage of the game and would simply get in the way of enjoying my time with them while I’ve got it.

My heart is W-I-D-E open, just like the door of my house half the time with these kids, their friends, and partners traipsing in and out and I’M LOVING EVERY MINUTE.

Did What I Said I Was Gonna…Mostly: Gold Medal!

(No accolades awarded herein must follow any single ranking system. You can have every top honor you envision. All. Of. Them.)

Look, I don’t know about you, but I have been known to bite off more than I can chew. Case in point: last September I launched a project for my paid subscribers on ambition and integrity. It was a really great idea! Folks were super excited! But my capacity petered out after two months, and I didn’t acknowledge that to my paid subscribers for another six months after that. Not my most shining moment.

However! Part of why I ran out of steam for writing about ambition was because I actually GOT AMBITIOUS. Woot! I enrolled in a writing course in January with the amazing Amanda Montei, which finally jumpstarted work on my memoir. I told myself I was gonna finish an entire first draft in a year, and I’m DOING IT. By the time the fourth anniversary of this newsletter rolls around in early January I will have a complete book draft. WHAT?!?

Does that mean the book is done? God, no! But the draft will be done, which is what I said I was going to do. And then another draft will begin. The next goal is to get it to a state where I feel ready to query agents with it by July. Will I do it? Once a gold medal winner, always a gold medal winner, baby!

[Insert another cliché about objects in motion staying in motion…]

Clear Head, Clear Heart: Championship Cup!

Y’all, I’ve been off-ramping from uncomfortable emotions with substances of various sorts— alcohol, marijuana (mostly), and cigarettes— since I was 12 years old, hiding behind my Cousin Sharon’s crappy, divorcée apartment building with her daughter Laura to sneak Sharon’s Marlboro Reds. Because I never tipped over the edge into trashing my life completely I told myself this wasn’t a problem. I mean, I wasn’t an addict [ahem]…

And it’s true that when circumstances conspired at the tail end of 2023 to make it very obvious that, in fact, I had a PROBLEM, I didn’t have to go to 12-step, or rehab, or go cold turkey, or any of that. I just had to decide to keep a clear head so I could keep a clear heart— over and over and over again.

It hasn’t been easy. I mean, the not having my sleep disrupted or doing things I regret part has been a cakewalk, honestly. But the FEELINGS that I’d been carefully avoiding for decades were a bitch.

I will be sharing this championship cup with a variety of close friends, most especially my nearest and dearest Lisa, without whom I wouldn’t have been able to sit in that stew of emotions. We will be drinking very fancy coffee out of it. Maybe lemonade when it’s hot.

It’s also not lost on me that I was finally able to buckle down and write this book draft once I stopped running so hard away from myself. Most days, it feels like a worthy trade off.

Some days, I’d still stab someone for a cigarette. But don’t worry, there will be no stabbing. Except maybe with my eyes…

Now it’s your turn! GIVE. YOURSELF. ALL. THE. AWARDS.

Go! PLEASE!

XO,

Asha