I love this piece, and I’m right with you sister, on the confusing stage of making a life after being mom for so long. I’m “free” too, but my identity…? All I ever wanted was to be a great mom. Debatable whether I achieved that but not for me to decide. But yes, finding my way too. And yes to connection. And yes to being real and forging ahead without the help of substances. And yes to dreams, and forests, and trees, and to collabs with mom. XO.
A thing that helped me when I first began learning how to "wade through the swamp of shitty feelings," which inevitably led to some major life changes, were words from a friend further down that road than I was: You can always change your mind. It felt like revelation. I could? Really? I'd never felt able to, especially about big decisions. I've learned since that some mind changes are harder to pull off than others, and changing your mind about real estate comes with costs of various kinds. Buying would be hard, but so would letting a dream go. A question my mother gave me once is a touchstone for me now: What kind of hard do you want? I love the photo of you and your son; it is nice to put your face to your words.
The dream of escaping to the woods is real, and the project of how to make that work is something I allow to consume me, also, so I feel this. I have a habit of biting off more than I can chew in an attempt to literally build a better world for myself and my loved ones. My cabin is a 1969 camper trailer that I've been working on rebuilding for 5 years. It's taught me a lot. I'm glad I learned how slow of a worker I am, and just how easily I get overwhelmed, on something low-stakes like this. But I've also learned just how much I can persevere, and that it's ok to throw away expectations about plans and timelines and let myself work at my pace. For better or worse, I have learned that I am someone who will just keep going on something that anyone else would rightfully push off a cliff. Just because something like this can consume someone, I don't think that makes it an escape. Working hard and fixing things kicks our asses and humbles us in a way that dulling our senses never could. I promise you will learn things about yourself, and they won't all be good. ;)
I am rooting for you, whatever this ends up being. And if you ever want to talk off-grid mechanicals or low-budget construction, I'm your gal. :)
Hi, Cathleen! I agree completely that such a project can be a really growth-promoting, constructive endeavor. I'm hopeful that (if it happens) I will be able to witness my own internal tendencies to ascribe powers to outside forces they don't have (fixing me or making me a different person) and instead focus on the incredible joy and satisfaction I get in learning new things and physically manifesting my creative urges. I used to be a potter and it fed both those drives in me. Writing doesn't so much.
I will absolutely check-in if I get stuck. And if you and your partner come East, you'll have to come hang at my camp. :)
Yes! I am excited for you. And pottery! I have done many and various fine arts over the years, and learning to throw things on a wheel is the only thing that almost brought me to tears. Haha. It is a good challenge.
I can't believe you took that total loser Sowden's advice! Utterly reckless and flirting with disaster, and I hope you learned your lesson!
This is a lovely read, and I have faith that cabin is destined to be yours. None of us really know where we're going, but that cabin looks like a really fun direction to take.
Thanks, Mike. 🙂 I walked down there today, sat by the pond and wrote for a long time. It was beautiful and quiet and felt very right. So, I’m hopeful. We should hear soon. Fingers crossed!
I do know that pursuing a dream as it relates to a place, be it a patch of dirt, a home or even a spot for a hammock somehow unleashes a crazy, special feeling of wildness within us. I don’t know if it’s due to the magnitude of the decision, but once that rock starts tumbling down the hill it’s a wild exhilarating ride.
I will never tire of this feeling, in fact it’s one of the things I love most in life. I’m excited to hear how this turns out for you.
Yep. Solar power source, which will then get hooked up to the well pump. Then the bathroom needs gutted and replumbed and can be hooked up to the well.
So good. What a brave, hard, year of work you've done as you walk into thinking about this next chapter. Of expansion, sometimes of contraction--but maybe more in a flow, like breathing. Love you and am so proud to know you.
If the cabin turns out to be not for you, you can always sell it in the future. Real Estate prices are not going down any time soon.
I love this piece, and I’m right with you sister, on the confusing stage of making a life after being mom for so long. I’m “free” too, but my identity…? All I ever wanted was to be a great mom. Debatable whether I achieved that but not for me to decide. But yes, finding my way too. And yes to connection. And yes to being real and forging ahead without the help of substances. And yes to dreams, and forests, and trees, and to collabs with mom. XO.
A thing that helped me when I first began learning how to "wade through the swamp of shitty feelings," which inevitably led to some major life changes, were words from a friend further down that road than I was: You can always change your mind. It felt like revelation. I could? Really? I'd never felt able to, especially about big decisions. I've learned since that some mind changes are harder to pull off than others, and changing your mind about real estate comes with costs of various kinds. Buying would be hard, but so would letting a dream go. A question my mother gave me once is a touchstone for me now: What kind of hard do you want? I love the photo of you and your son; it is nice to put your face to your words.
The dream of escaping to the woods is real, and the project of how to make that work is something I allow to consume me, also, so I feel this. I have a habit of biting off more than I can chew in an attempt to literally build a better world for myself and my loved ones. My cabin is a 1969 camper trailer that I've been working on rebuilding for 5 years. It's taught me a lot. I'm glad I learned how slow of a worker I am, and just how easily I get overwhelmed, on something low-stakes like this. But I've also learned just how much I can persevere, and that it's ok to throw away expectations about plans and timelines and let myself work at my pace. For better or worse, I have learned that I am someone who will just keep going on something that anyone else would rightfully push off a cliff. Just because something like this can consume someone, I don't think that makes it an escape. Working hard and fixing things kicks our asses and humbles us in a way that dulling our senses never could. I promise you will learn things about yourself, and they won't all be good. ;)
I am rooting for you, whatever this ends up being. And if you ever want to talk off-grid mechanicals or low-budget construction, I'm your gal. :)
Hi, Cathleen! I agree completely that such a project can be a really growth-promoting, constructive endeavor. I'm hopeful that (if it happens) I will be able to witness my own internal tendencies to ascribe powers to outside forces they don't have (fixing me or making me a different person) and instead focus on the incredible joy and satisfaction I get in learning new things and physically manifesting my creative urges. I used to be a potter and it fed both those drives in me. Writing doesn't so much.
I will absolutely check-in if I get stuck. And if you and your partner come East, you'll have to come hang at my camp. :)
Yes! I am excited for you. And pottery! I have done many and various fine arts over the years, and learning to throw things on a wheel is the only thing that almost brought me to tears. Haha. It is a good challenge.
I can't believe you took that total loser Sowden's advice! Utterly reckless and flirting with disaster, and I hope you learned your lesson!
This is a lovely read, and I have faith that cabin is destined to be yours. None of us really know where we're going, but that cabin looks like a really fun direction to take.
Thanks, Mike. 🙂 I walked down there today, sat by the pond and wrote for a long time. It was beautiful and quiet and felt very right. So, I’m hopeful. We should hear soon. Fingers crossed!
I hope that things work out well for you and this purchase! Yay for your son’s first vote!!!
OOOOOOooooo. Right next to a state forest! I'll be braiding and chanting for you!
Yes! This is one I sent you and Carrie pictures of years ago. I've been dreaming of it for so long. If it happens you HAVE to come visit.
I do know that pursuing a dream as it relates to a place, be it a patch of dirt, a home or even a spot for a hammock somehow unleashes a crazy, special feeling of wildness within us. I don’t know if it’s due to the magnitude of the decision, but once that rock starts tumbling down the hill it’s a wild exhilarating ride.
I will never tire of this feeling, in fact it’s one of the things I love most in life. I’m excited to hear how this turns out for you.
Composting toilet, solar lights will work for a while. I bought 5 acres and put up a wall tent.
It's definitely not as comfortable as a cabin but the trees are still there and it's what I can afford right now.
Yep. Solar power source, which will then get hooked up to the well pump. Then the bathroom needs gutted and replumbed and can be hooked up to the well.
That's great there's a well. We have to haul water. I well will be about $35k
I hope that a right and easy way forward opens up for you and your mom. I love the idea of you, being you, in the woods.
So good. What a brave, hard, year of work you've done as you walk into thinking about this next chapter. Of expansion, sometimes of contraction--but maybe more in a flow, like breathing. Love you and am so proud to know you.