Thanks so much for this - yes to your insight. Years of trying to share responsibilities with my husband as our plates got more and more full with jobs, children, houses, land, elder care, etc. consistently found us in the same place. Me cast as the bossy know it all who just wants to be obeyed, and him as the willing but incapable "helper" who was prevented from doing his share by my unwillingness to explain every single detail of the work required and coach him through learning it. I truly think men (at least in my cohort - mid60s now, usually grew up with mothers primarily at home) believe that women have been educated in this way so that we "know" how to do things. Whereas, at least in my experience, most women simply assume we will have to rise to the occasion or task and learn as we go. Again, based on the assumed power dynamic - for us the work is obligatory, for them it is a gracious gesture..
Thanks so much for this - yes to your insight. Years of trying to share responsibilities with my husband as our plates got more and more full with jobs, children, houses, land, elder care, etc. consistently found us in the same place. Me cast as the bossy know it all who just wants to be obeyed, and him as the willing but incapable "helper" who was prevented from doing his share by my unwillingness to explain every single detail of the work required and coach him through learning it. I truly think men (at least in my cohort - mid60s now, usually grew up with mothers primarily at home) believe that women have been educated in this way so that we "know" how to do things. Whereas, at least in my experience, most women simply assume we will have to rise to the occasion or task and learn as we go. Again, based on the assumed power dynamic - for us the work is obligatory, for them it is a gracious gesture..
"for us the work is obligatory, for them it is a gracious gesture.."
Sadly, yup. Nailed it.
So well said! ❤️
Well said! Just curious: who is that a picture of at the top of your essay? I haven’t followed you long enough to know.
It's a stock photo from Unsplash of a guy looking down from the top of a ladder, which matched the content.
Ah! Got it. Thanks.