Fabulous. I may have to check out that book. Also - I had about 6 different responses to bits in your article, but as each new section came, I could only remember the most recent. All were positive comments, but I'll just leave my last thoughts on being wrong. Being a few years younger than my VERY smart older brother (whom I adored and idolized), I spent half of my life really really not wanting to be wrong. About anything. It's taken years of sober self-reflection to let go of that defensiveness. Being wrong does NOT mean I'm "stupid", as I had been telling myself. And it has been so goddamn freeing to be able to say "Oh! I was wrong about that!", and not have it threaten my sense of self-worth. As a matter of fact, I now say my personal motto is "Fallor Ergo Sum" (Roughly - I'm mistaken, therefore I am). And in my gardening classes, I have "You always learn more from your failures than your successes" at the end of each class description. I've found this to be totally true and valid for nearly everything. I can be taught the 'right way' to do something, but when I try it a different way and it doesn't work (in a spectacular way), then I really *understand* why the right way is the right way, rather than it just being what I memorized as right. Even with the progression of science, I try to think of the changes and leaps that happen as not that we were "wrong" before, but just doing the best with what we knew to date. As in, "the whole truth" is kind of unobtainable, but good to always be striving for.
Damn, I do go on. Maybe it's good I didn't comment on every part of that that lit up my brain.
So many pieces of the puzzle you have put together.
The lyric that follows was originally written in an hour after it blew into my brain, somewhat revised after testing with friends.
Perhaps a Miss, my not wanting to use the word feMale, could approach the fact that many males are having trouble chiselling out of the walls of patriarchy. I am struggling with that lyric.
I really like how you come down on the side of wishing "to take the risk and bet on our common humanity", despite all the difficulties involved.
As for being wrong, though I sometimes worry about how much I will die being wrong about, your post helps me to think that wrongheadedness is part of the burden I carry in life, and it would be a gift to myself to try to lighten that burden a little.
Well said! Your title and reflection reminds me of something Brene Brown suggests in Rising Strong. At some point in her life she realized she was often reacting (sometimes dramatically) to someone without knowing the "truth" of what they felt. So I have adopted her suggestion of starting a reply with, "The story I am making up...". This feels like a good way to express what we are hearing/experiencing without making a full assumption about what is "true" for myself and all present or involved. Also, not being attached to knowing or being right. God I wish I had this growing up! Thank you for this!
Fabulous. I may have to check out that book. Also - I had about 6 different responses to bits in your article, but as each new section came, I could only remember the most recent. All were positive comments, but I'll just leave my last thoughts on being wrong. Being a few years younger than my VERY smart older brother (whom I adored and idolized), I spent half of my life really really not wanting to be wrong. About anything. It's taken years of sober self-reflection to let go of that defensiveness. Being wrong does NOT mean I'm "stupid", as I had been telling myself. And it has been so goddamn freeing to be able to say "Oh! I was wrong about that!", and not have it threaten my sense of self-worth. As a matter of fact, I now say my personal motto is "Fallor Ergo Sum" (Roughly - I'm mistaken, therefore I am). And in my gardening classes, I have "You always learn more from your failures than your successes" at the end of each class description. I've found this to be totally true and valid for nearly everything. I can be taught the 'right way' to do something, but when I try it a different way and it doesn't work (in a spectacular way), then I really *understand* why the right way is the right way, rather than it just being what I memorized as right. Even with the progression of science, I try to think of the changes and leaps that happen as not that we were "wrong" before, but just doing the best with what we knew to date. As in, "the whole truth" is kind of unobtainable, but good to always be striving for.
Damn, I do go on. Maybe it's good I didn't comment on every part of that that lit up my brain.
But again, excellent. And thank you.
So many pieces of the puzzle you have put together.
The lyric that follows was originally written in an hour after it blew into my brain, somewhat revised after testing with friends.
Perhaps a Miss, my not wanting to use the word feMale, could approach the fact that many males are having trouble chiselling out of the walls of patriarchy. I am struggling with that lyric.
I am not an Island
I'm not an island
I'm a woman
I'm a lover, I am a giver
I have sisters
I'm a woman
I'm not an island
I am not a piece of property
That you can or can't afford
I am not your trader's favorite stock
But I'm not to be ignored
I am strong within my boundaries
I am not your fair absurd
I'm the fount of our salvation
And I will have the final word
I'm not an island
I'm a woman
I'm a lover, I am a giver
I have sisters
I'm not an island
I'm a woman
I'm a lover, I am a giver
I have sisters
I'm a woman
I'm not an island
I am the mighty hurricane
That will beat upon your shores
I am a resurrection
I am knocking on your doors
Do you think that I am kidding
Do even think at all
While you play your favorite pastimes
And throw your favorite balls
I'm not an island
I'm a woman
I'm a lover, I am a giver
I have sisters
I'm a woman
I'm not an island
I am thriving in the sunlight
I am living my ballet
I will harken to that music
As I hear my sisters play
With one step for the future
And one for all mankind
We shall weave this dance together
And advance in pace and kind
I'm not an island
I'm a woman
I'm a lover, I am a giver
I have sisters
I'm a woman
I'm not an island
Malcolm J McKinney 2023
I really like how you come down on the side of wishing "to take the risk and bet on our common humanity", despite all the difficulties involved.
As for being wrong, though I sometimes worry about how much I will die being wrong about, your post helps me to think that wrongheadedness is part of the burden I carry in life, and it would be a gift to myself to try to lighten that burden a little.
Well said! Your title and reflection reminds me of something Brene Brown suggests in Rising Strong. At some point in her life she realized she was often reacting (sometimes dramatically) to someone without knowing the "truth" of what they felt. So I have adopted her suggestion of starting a reply with, "The story I am making up...". This feels like a good way to express what we are hearing/experiencing without making a full assumption about what is "true" for myself and all present or involved. Also, not being attached to knowing or being right. God I wish I had this growing up! Thank you for this!