I am grateful for this thoughtful consideration of community in our post-covid world. I am in the Quaker community referred to and we are consciously looking at how we can hold and support anyone who joins us in whatever way works for them. Some Friends just join us in Quaker Worship and engage in no other way and we welcome them. Others only come to potlucks and other in person social events and we welcome them equally. We are trying to support this sense of obligation as a wholly voluntary sense that comes from a desire for, and the rewards of, engaging in community in whatever way feels right. I have forwarded this blog to our Community listserv. Thank you Asha for being Asha!!! I know many in our community are holding you in love and will continue to do so. You go girl!
I really agree with the idea that, post-Covid, we are so much more intentional and purposeful with our relationships (I am, anyway). The reality of religious trauma is so very real - it is a shark in the cultural water and there are enough sharks in the water now, most people are saying, no thanks. I think some of these articles are drumming up some drama about the shifts we’re seeing in culture. What if it’s all progressing toward more investment on the part of the individual, from the heart instead of from the desire to look or be correct or right (some major motivators for a lot of previous generations re: church and belonging). I love the idea, and articulation, of an integrity practice! Beautiful.
I agree with you entirely, except on the bit about the majority of us saying no thanks to religion. Statistically, the number of Americans who identify with a particular religion is still over 50%. So, we're in this odd, uncomfortable transition period, as you say, when enough people are wanting something else that it is palpably threatening to those still living with a very traditionally Christian, white, patriarchal mindset (there are plenty of other religions in the U.S., but evangelical Christianity definitely has our culture by the throat). Yet, those people who want more or different haven't, en masse, figured out what that more or different is. They're mostly in the "No, not that" phase of change rather than the "Yes, this instead". I think to get to the Yes we have to think deeply and reflectively on what community could and should be, and then we have to start making that a reality at enough of a scale to actually lure more people to it. Not another religion. I'm not talking about proselytizing. But another way of being that actually works, that is compelling and meaningful and grounding, in real time.
Yes! Completely agree. We are definitely in the "No, not that" phase of change. The "Yes, this instead" seems, if a little far off, now something to find, explore, create, etc. Am I understanding you correctly?
Absolutely. I think the challenge for those of us who are really pondering these sorts of things is to actually step beyond thinking to doing. To start bringing what we hope for into manifestation. It requires a certain faithfulness, I think, so is a carry-over, perhaps, from traditional religion. Or maybe hopefulness is as good a word, to put ourselves out there. And if what we try needs work to just keep working at it.
"hopefulness" is a great word. I'm right there with you, in the culling, in the tilling, in the seeing what blooms (aka what can hold us, how we can tend it, and how we can make it wider for all).
I love our DCJS community, even though just the little bit of change, like IC seniors graduating makes me sad. I miss the long-timers for whom COVID was a bridge they just couldn't cross, like Rhoda, Laurie and today-who-I-saw-at-the-fish-truck April. I'm sure you could list off your section-mates who we rarely see, maybe just at concerts, like Eloise. I want them all with us, all the time!!
There are some of us who are better off on the periphery of community than thoroughly enmeshed in it. At some point community changes to conformity. Most communities are not respectful of honest diversity. Those of us who are involuntarily unique and don't fit in, those of us born with few social skills, those of us who are naturally introverted, well, we need to stay on the periphery to preserve our own sanity.
At the same time you can't stand completely apart or you get "othered." People who are involuntarily unique then form their own communities so they can "other" the normies right back.
I usually prefer solitude or close family. I had a close friend once but he died 20 years ago. Since then I have been satisfied with a few friendly acquaintances. I do not make close friends easily.
One community that feels figural right now is our immediate family as a I’m a new first time parent - it has me reflecting both in what I learned from my original community/family of origin and what I want to cultivate differently for this new human.
Another community I’ve been thinking about is my also relatively new to me neighborhood - growing up in a predominantly Black and Brown community and now being in a neighborhood that’s heavily gentrifying with insanely expensive homes - the community vibe is so ... different lol. I’m like, “ Oh, this is what it’s like on the other side of the tracks? “
I am grateful for this thoughtful consideration of community in our post-covid world. I am in the Quaker community referred to and we are consciously looking at how we can hold and support anyone who joins us in whatever way works for them. Some Friends just join us in Quaker Worship and engage in no other way and we welcome them. Others only come to potlucks and other in person social events and we welcome them equally. We are trying to support this sense of obligation as a wholly voluntary sense that comes from a desire for, and the rewards of, engaging in community in whatever way feels right. I have forwarded this blog to our Community listserv. Thank you Asha for being Asha!!! I know many in our community are holding you in love and will continue to do so. You go girl!
I really agree with the idea that, post-Covid, we are so much more intentional and purposeful with our relationships (I am, anyway). The reality of religious trauma is so very real - it is a shark in the cultural water and there are enough sharks in the water now, most people are saying, no thanks. I think some of these articles are drumming up some drama about the shifts we’re seeing in culture. What if it’s all progressing toward more investment on the part of the individual, from the heart instead of from the desire to look or be correct or right (some major motivators for a lot of previous generations re: church and belonging). I love the idea, and articulation, of an integrity practice! Beautiful.
I agree with you entirely, except on the bit about the majority of us saying no thanks to religion. Statistically, the number of Americans who identify with a particular religion is still over 50%. So, we're in this odd, uncomfortable transition period, as you say, when enough people are wanting something else that it is palpably threatening to those still living with a very traditionally Christian, white, patriarchal mindset (there are plenty of other religions in the U.S., but evangelical Christianity definitely has our culture by the throat). Yet, those people who want more or different haven't, en masse, figured out what that more or different is. They're mostly in the "No, not that" phase of change rather than the "Yes, this instead". I think to get to the Yes we have to think deeply and reflectively on what community could and should be, and then we have to start making that a reality at enough of a scale to actually lure more people to it. Not another religion. I'm not talking about proselytizing. But another way of being that actually works, that is compelling and meaningful and grounding, in real time.
Yes! Completely agree. We are definitely in the "No, not that" phase of change. The "Yes, this instead" seems, if a little far off, now something to find, explore, create, etc. Am I understanding you correctly?
Absolutely. I think the challenge for those of us who are really pondering these sorts of things is to actually step beyond thinking to doing. To start bringing what we hope for into manifestation. It requires a certain faithfulness, I think, so is a carry-over, perhaps, from traditional religion. Or maybe hopefulness is as good a word, to put ourselves out there. And if what we try needs work to just keep working at it.
"hopefulness" is a great word. I'm right there with you, in the culling, in the tilling, in the seeing what blooms (aka what can hold us, how we can tend it, and how we can make it wider for all).
Lots of food for thought—thank you!
I love our DCJS community, even though just the little bit of change, like IC seniors graduating makes me sad. I miss the long-timers for whom COVID was a bridge they just couldn't cross, like Rhoda, Laurie and today-who-I-saw-at-the-fish-truck April. I'm sure you could list off your section-mates who we rarely see, maybe just at concerts, like Eloise. I want them all with us, all the time!!
There are some of us who are better off on the periphery of community than thoroughly enmeshed in it. At some point community changes to conformity. Most communities are not respectful of honest diversity. Those of us who are involuntarily unique and don't fit in, those of us born with few social skills, those of us who are naturally introverted, well, we need to stay on the periphery to preserve our own sanity.
At the same time you can't stand completely apart or you get "othered." People who are involuntarily unique then form their own communities so they can "other" the normies right back.
I usually prefer solitude or close family. I had a close friend once but he died 20 years ago. Since then I have been satisfied with a few friendly acquaintances. I do not make close friends easily.
One community that feels figural right now is our immediate family as a I’m a new first time parent - it has me reflecting both in what I learned from my original community/family of origin and what I want to cultivate differently for this new human.
Another community I’ve been thinking about is my also relatively new to me neighborhood - growing up in a predominantly Black and Brown community and now being in a neighborhood that’s heavily gentrifying with insanely expensive homes - the community vibe is so ... different lol. I’m like, “ Oh, this is what it’s like on the other side of the tracks? “