Happy Friday, y’all. Not that “Friday” as a concept has much meaning for me these days, as I’m working seven days a week. Things aren’t bad on balance, though. It’s just a lot to manage.
One of my things this week was that I attended a conference at work on inclusion. It went the way that conferences always go. Some aspects were great and some sort of blah. But one thing really stuck with me. An evolutionary biologist who also happens to be a dean at one of our colleges (I work at an enormous university, for those of you who don’t know.) talked about understanding inclusion as being like gene expression.
In our case, Cornell was founded (by a Quaker!) on the idea “Any person, any study.” This is an inherently inclusive idea that exists in our cultural DNA as a community. But just because a particular possibility exists in DNA doesn’t mean it will express itself. The environment will either call it out or shut it down. So, we have to think constantly as a community about how to call that aspect of our founding DNA forth if we want it to express itself.
It got me thinking about my own life— how I call forth (or shut down) my most deeply held beliefs through the environment I create around me. So, that’s what I’m hoping we can muse on together today. Here, I’ll start…
The most foundational belief in my life, the one that sits at the base of so many other beliefs I carry and fuels so many of my choices, is that there is that of God in everyone. Everyone, y’all. Even the people I dislike. This beliefs flies in the face of so much primal tribalism that also lives in my DNA, so I have to work to create an environment where it can express itself and the tribalism can get shut down. Otherwise, being real, I’m just gonna be an asshole most of the time.
The number one thing I do to create an environment in which I can believe what is often (for me) anti-instinctual is to get enough sleep. Hear me out! It’s true! I have been through long stretches of my life when I barely slept. When my babies were infants, for instance. That chronic sleep deprivation caused me to hate everyone around me, and want nothing but to survive from one end of the day to the next. It was not a high-minded time in my life.
In response, I’ve learned (slowly but surely over many years) to protect and prioritize my sleep. I can’t prevent sickness or perimenopause, but I can manage my diet and activity to promote good sleep. I can avoid alcohol and cigarettes and cannabis, all of which contribute to poor sleep for me. And I can put myself to bed at a reasonable hour instead of staying up scrolling my phone or watching tv mindlessly.
When I’m well-rested I am kinder and gentler— to myself and other people. I can look at everyone, even the people I dislike, and find the energy within me to consider their humanity and divinity. It is such a simple thing, but also such a monumental one. Good sleep creates the environment for me to practice my integrity around the most core belief of my life.
So, what about you?
What is a core belief that you carry in your moral or ethical DNA and how do you create the environment for that belief to express itself in your life?
This is a really interesting question. I can share a belief that changed my work as an educator and parent. About 20 years ago, I read a book in which the author's thesis was that no one wants to be a failure. We all want to succeed at whatever it is we're doing. We all care. He said that when students (all people) make choices that might look to us like not caring, it is just that there is some other need that's being met through the choice. It made so much sense! It completely changed how I looked at students, colleagues, my children, and other people in my life. To express it, I work to stay in a place of curiosity rather than judgement. I ask what need is being met. I ask why that need might be more important than others. (Sometimes I ask myself, and sometimes I directly ask a person I'm wondering about.) It doesn't mean all choices are good, but being in this place helps me feel more love for my fellow humans than contempt. So, yeah: Keeps me from being an asshole. And sleep is absolutely crucial to being able to stay in this place. So is hydration.
Yes - sleep! I am almost worthless without decent sleep. It is mind blowing how much this effects who we are in the world, how we show up (or don't) in every interaction. I've always been a "good" sleeper - 8 hours + a night - but it's also made me very sensitive to when I haven't had a enough and I just don't operate very well. A core belief I carry is that humans are basically good and want to do the right thing. It could definitely be defined as you expressed - each has the divine within. Just a question of whether they have space to express it or not. I love the analogy the professor made! It's also heartbreaking and amazing when I think of all the struggles we all go through on the daily and mostly manage to be kind humans.
A core belief that i carry is the interrelated ness of all that occurs in my life. All that happens has an essence, at some level, which affects, or can affect, my life in some way. With this in my consciousness I often have to introspect to ascertain if the significance or essence of what occurred is more poignant meaning than i thought it did. Thus, i am compelled (often) to slow down , to breathe, to put myself in another’s shors. and so on. Even though i believe this interrelatedness “thing”, i often do not allow it to work through me (anger, impatience, envy, laziness,denial, etc,) all work to negate my best self from acting. it is a daily, momentary, task to keep “thei interrelatedness” of all people, places, things, and ideas front and center in my awareness: to be willing to deepen moments as much as oi can.
The core belief I carry is that everything we do matters. So I've made a habit of asking myself constantly, "what does this action look like multiplied? what kind of world would result if everyone did the thing I'm doing?" It's a mantra that's always going for me, like brushing my teeth or drinking water. It can be a little crazy-making, because our world is not made for the thoughtful and considerate, and everything about being a part of modern American life seems designed to hurt someone or something, but it's the best way I can think of to be the person I want to be.
And I'm with you on sleep. For me it's also exercise, getting into the woods, generally keeping myself grounded and taken care of. Otherwise I can be a real asshole, too. :/
I’m afraid my moral and ethical epigenetic inheritance is not at all what I would like. But the daily practice is the same as if it were. As I note in my memoir, each day you have to ask yourself, “What constructive, healthy thing can I do with this [my epigenome] today?”
Thank you for focusing on sleep! I'm with you on that. It makes such a difference to everything. I've been trying to live my life from a place of love, but that can be almost impossible when I'm not well rested. Unfortunately, our society has glorified sleep deprivation. We need more of us to speak out against that! I love how you frame the moral and ethical DNA — that just having the gene isn't enough; you have to create the conditions for it to be expressed.
I guess my foundational belief is that everyone is such a product of their genes and their environment that we can't really help being what we are, and often even doing what we do. That gives me some compassion even for the orange guy — or, at least, pity. Though I still think he should be locked up because he poses a danger to others, and I still do feel intense hate for him. But I also think he can't help being the way he is, which is sad. It's a tricky belief. I do still try to improve myself and I do think people can change. But we need to have the right DNA and the right environment to facilitate that change.
This is a really interesting question. I can share a belief that changed my work as an educator and parent. About 20 years ago, I read a book in which the author's thesis was that no one wants to be a failure. We all want to succeed at whatever it is we're doing. We all care. He said that when students (all people) make choices that might look to us like not caring, it is just that there is some other need that's being met through the choice. It made so much sense! It completely changed how I looked at students, colleagues, my children, and other people in my life. To express it, I work to stay in a place of curiosity rather than judgement. I ask what need is being met. I ask why that need might be more important than others. (Sometimes I ask myself, and sometimes I directly ask a person I'm wondering about.) It doesn't mean all choices are good, but being in this place helps me feel more love for my fellow humans than contempt. So, yeah: Keeps me from being an asshole. And sleep is absolutely crucial to being able to stay in this place. So is hydration.
Yes - sleep! I am almost worthless without decent sleep. It is mind blowing how much this effects who we are in the world, how we show up (or don't) in every interaction. I've always been a "good" sleeper - 8 hours + a night - but it's also made me very sensitive to when I haven't had a enough and I just don't operate very well. A core belief I carry is that humans are basically good and want to do the right thing. It could definitely be defined as you expressed - each has the divine within. Just a question of whether they have space to express it or not. I love the analogy the professor made! It's also heartbreaking and amazing when I think of all the struggles we all go through on the daily and mostly manage to be kind humans.
A core belief that i carry is the interrelated ness of all that occurs in my life. All that happens has an essence, at some level, which affects, or can affect, my life in some way. With this in my consciousness I often have to introspect to ascertain if the significance or essence of what occurred is more poignant meaning than i thought it did. Thus, i am compelled (often) to slow down , to breathe, to put myself in another’s shors. and so on. Even though i believe this interrelatedness “thing”, i often do not allow it to work through me (anger, impatience, envy, laziness,denial, etc,) all work to negate my best self from acting. it is a daily, momentary, task to keep “thei interrelatedness” of all people, places, things, and ideas front and center in my awareness: to be willing to deepen moments as much as oi can.
The core belief I carry is that everything we do matters. So I've made a habit of asking myself constantly, "what does this action look like multiplied? what kind of world would result if everyone did the thing I'm doing?" It's a mantra that's always going for me, like brushing my teeth or drinking water. It can be a little crazy-making, because our world is not made for the thoughtful and considerate, and everything about being a part of modern American life seems designed to hurt someone or something, but it's the best way I can think of to be the person I want to be.
And I'm with you on sleep. For me it's also exercise, getting into the woods, generally keeping myself grounded and taken care of. Otherwise I can be a real asshole, too. :/
I’m afraid my moral and ethical epigenetic inheritance is not at all what I would like. But the daily practice is the same as if it were. As I note in my memoir, each day you have to ask yourself, “What constructive, healthy thing can I do with this [my epigenome] today?”
Asha Sanaker: Seeing the Divinity in each.
You have an awe inspiring heart.
As always, thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for focusing on sleep! I'm with you on that. It makes such a difference to everything. I've been trying to live my life from a place of love, but that can be almost impossible when I'm not well rested. Unfortunately, our society has glorified sleep deprivation. We need more of us to speak out against that! I love how you frame the moral and ethical DNA — that just having the gene isn't enough; you have to create the conditions for it to be expressed.
I guess my foundational belief is that everyone is such a product of their genes and their environment that we can't really help being what we are, and often even doing what we do. That gives me some compassion even for the orange guy — or, at least, pity. Though I still think he should be locked up because he poses a danger to others, and I still do feel intense hate for him. But I also think he can't help being the way he is, which is sad. It's a tricky belief. I do still try to improve myself and I do think people can change. But we need to have the right DNA and the right environment to facilitate that change.