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i’ll have to think about my list (and i will) but i’m pretty sure it would echo your own, and as to your definition of what makes a great person, i can only say yes, yes, YES.

i’ve had people (mostly yoga students) describe me as their guru, to which i vehemently CRINGE. rather than being anyone’s guru I know that i will forever be a work in progress, always teachable and hopefully a little less of a hot mess than i may have shown up in the past.

if that’s their definition of a guru as a teacher, okay then but please don’t ever put me on a pedestal because falling and failing is part of the process that makes each and everyone of us great unto our own.

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I’ve always been more interested in compatriots than students. I appreciate it tremendously when folks let me know I’ve helped them in some kind of way, but the payoff for me is a sense of belonging, not authority.

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1. Don't double down on bad behavior. I get so hyperfocused that I can be short with people, and I have learned to stop in the middle and apologize instead of justifying it.

2. Don't cherish grievances.

3. Help someone when you are able.

4. Humor is an amazing bonder, but not at someone else's expense.

5. Find something interesting or relatable about every person you meet.

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Good list; and I obvs need to focus on your second item.

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Please don't do that to yourself, Jackie. You don't have a "grievance". You were violated and you take as much time as you need to be mad as hell about it. If it's hurting you to carry that anger, then it's worth laying down. But you won't be laying down a grievance. You'll be releasing a predator's hold on you.

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Yes, completely agree! Trauma needs processed, and I am so sorry you experienced that. I'm talking more about sleights -- like being mad at someone for saying something offhand 20 years ago.

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Asha, thank you so much for reframing the issue in a more accurate way for me. It's a very old anger that has mostly dissipated, but clearly, odd little things can spark it.

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I’ll have to think about the other four, but one that I lean into a lot is “err on the side of generosity.”

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You are an amazing person and a great inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing yourself.

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That is incredibly kind of you. Thank YOU for being here with me.

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Are you familiar with the book "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum? The person who raped me gave it to me for my birthday back when it was published. Intellectually I know the value of this kind of work, but emotionally I still just can't.

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That is more than fair. Please do not do this work. Also, FUCK THAT GUY.

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