This is so measured, so thoughtful and sane. Thank you!
"The something inside of me feels like it’s meant to spill out into every aspect of my life, requiring me to deepen and widen all at once. I can almost taste the something." I've been dipping into Wordsworth in the last day or two and your lines make me think of him challenging himself to put into words the youthful epiphanies that meant so much to him. Good luck with working it out!
Wise words and interesting observations, as usual; thank you. And thank you for asking: my kids and I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving for almost a decade now, but we'll gladly embrace any excuse for a fancy meal. Yesterday's feast included bison steak pie (a riff on Townsends' beef steak pie, which can be found on their YouTube channel), hazelnut chocolate tart, and lingonberry-based cocktails. Interesting conversation with them and no drama made it a lovely day.
Your passage sparked my thoughts this morning! I’ve often wondered if tantrums are a cultural phenomenon. I lived in Asia for years and have spent time with children in Africa and Scandinavia. It was always stark to see the general lack of ‘tantruming’ by children in these locations and for years I’ve wondered what it is about cultures that impacts tantrum expression during development. Tantrums were the exception, not the rule, in my travels.
If it’s based on growth as you say, I wonder if the level of tantrum is based on how safe and capable a child feels as they go through initiatory/growth periods in their family/community constellation - and - what they have observed from the culture/adults/other children around them regarding the navigation of challenge. Perhaps also what is genetically inherited? I grew up in violence and fear with emotionally immature parents and so exploding was the only way to get them to stop being violent or bring them into presence with me. My nervous system was essentially destroyed so for me presence and calm are a mandatory practice as I no longer have the physical strength to rage. If it does rise in me, I’m left as a shaking heap sometimes for days at a time.
As an adult, I witness tantrum behavior as generally ‘a need not being met’ or ‘a boundary being crossed’ and through that lens have managed my inquiry into supporting whoever is experiencing tantrum, wee one or adult alike.
Either way, it’s been an interesting observation through my life and I felt compelled to offer it here, at your feet. I also
have to wonder what the overculture is bringing to the wee ones, and how we collectively can create spaces where they can explore and initiate and be challenged authentically - rooted into their own resources - to help them mature steadily and with compassion.
I haven't spent a lot of time with young children in other countries so I can't speak to the cultural differences. I think in the United States there are lots of different reasons that children have tantrums. Some are developmentally motivated and some are responses to environment, as you note. Some are temperamental, too. There are kids, like my oldest, who are just more emotionally expressive, shall we say. My younger one was always more emotionally self-contained. But the frequency of frustration related to development is, I suspect, universal. However, I also suspect that how children's frustration is received has a huge impact on how it escalates to full-on tantrum behavior.
This is so measured, so thoughtful and sane. Thank you!
"The something inside of me feels like it’s meant to spill out into every aspect of my life, requiring me to deepen and widen all at once. I can almost taste the something." I've been dipping into Wordsworth in the last day or two and your lines make me think of him challenging himself to put into words the youthful epiphanies that meant so much to him. Good luck with working it out!
Thank you, Jeffrey!
Wise words and interesting observations, as usual; thank you. And thank you for asking: my kids and I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving for almost a decade now, but we'll gladly embrace any excuse for a fancy meal. Yesterday's feast included bison steak pie (a riff on Townsends' beef steak pie, which can be found on their YouTube channel), hazelnut chocolate tart, and lingonberry-based cocktails. Interesting conversation with them and no drama made it a lovely day.
That does sound delicious and connected and worthy of gratitude. 🥰 I’m so glad you had such a beautiful day together.
Your passage sparked my thoughts this morning! I’ve often wondered if tantrums are a cultural phenomenon. I lived in Asia for years and have spent time with children in Africa and Scandinavia. It was always stark to see the general lack of ‘tantruming’ by children in these locations and for years I’ve wondered what it is about cultures that impacts tantrum expression during development. Tantrums were the exception, not the rule, in my travels.
If it’s based on growth as you say, I wonder if the level of tantrum is based on how safe and capable a child feels as they go through initiatory/growth periods in their family/community constellation - and - what they have observed from the culture/adults/other children around them regarding the navigation of challenge. Perhaps also what is genetically inherited? I grew up in violence and fear with emotionally immature parents and so exploding was the only way to get them to stop being violent or bring them into presence with me. My nervous system was essentially destroyed so for me presence and calm are a mandatory practice as I no longer have the physical strength to rage. If it does rise in me, I’m left as a shaking heap sometimes for days at a time.
As an adult, I witness tantrum behavior as generally ‘a need not being met’ or ‘a boundary being crossed’ and through that lens have managed my inquiry into supporting whoever is experiencing tantrum, wee one or adult alike.
Either way, it’s been an interesting observation through my life and I felt compelled to offer it here, at your feet. I also
have to wonder what the overculture is bringing to the wee ones, and how we collectively can create spaces where they can explore and initiate and be challenged authentically - rooted into their own resources - to help them mature steadily and with compassion.
I haven't spent a lot of time with young children in other countries so I can't speak to the cultural differences. I think in the United States there are lots of different reasons that children have tantrums. Some are developmentally motivated and some are responses to environment, as you note. Some are temperamental, too. There are kids, like my oldest, who are just more emotionally expressive, shall we say. My younger one was always more emotionally self-contained. But the frequency of frustration related to development is, I suspect, universal. However, I also suspect that how children's frustration is received has a huge impact on how it escalates to full-on tantrum behavior.