Lately, Audre Lorde has been showing up every time I turn the page in the most thoughtful, contemplative ways.
Asha, I agree with you; there are most certainly people I have lost along the way that I will always miss terribly. An ex-sister-in-law who was the closest I'll ever have to an actual sister... still, perhaps to some degree, I have to think that she missed seeing who I was and why I mattered from the very start.
I love Audre Lorde! "A Litany for Survival" is one of my favorite poems.
What you write reminds me of a book I proofread many, many years ago called something like "Women and Evil." It was trying to look at and redefine evil from a feminist perspective. The basic idea was, are you serving an abstract principle, like truth, or are you serving people? While it's easy to critique that as "situational ethics," to me it feels like a higher form of integrity to think about how your actions, even your truth-telling, will affect others. That doesn't mean trying to please everyone, but really thinking about whether what you're thinking needs to be said, what the consequences of your actions will be.
Thanks for writing this thoughtful and nuanced piece!
Thanks for this great piece, Asha, and thanks for your comment, Rosana, which I identify with and makes me think also of the following:
I grapple with the loss of bodily integrity. Sometimes I feel that if I hope to continue on, such that I might contribute to the world in some small way, my choice must simply be to quietly maintain an internal boundary of integrity, fighting to hold onto my truth, even if I cannot safely speak it, and rejecting the judgement and shame of not being able to speak it, which I know belongs to others and not myself, as the not speaking is coercive. I vow to continue to try to create a circle of allies who will be able to speak for each other with some safety so that the work can continue. I vow to support others and myself.
hello Asha, i appreciate the light you’ve shined on this subject—missing the people we lose when we choose to live honestly, freely and safely. as for audre lorde’s quote—i too am a reader of her work—i don’t believe she’s suggesting loss due to integrity is “tidy.” audre lived a life of struggle and wrote about these struggles as they intersected under the crushing weight of the patriarchy. as another commenter noted, you and audre are basically saying the same thing. this subject hits in my chest. while we learn to live with the consequences of choices underpinned by integrity, i don’t think we ever fully recover from the losses. it’s what makes us human. between the lines of audre’s words, one senses a residual pain, even if it has lessened over time. you’ve written another beautiful and thought-provoking essay. thanks for sharing.
I agree with you absolutely that Audre suffered. But I always sensed in her a certain steeliness, a certain unshakeable resolve which I respect, but have never been able to emulate. I’ve been plagued with much more self-doubt. This is all prodding me, though, to get back to her work. It’s been too long.
I read Audre Lorde a little differently here so that for me, the two of you are saying very close to the same thing. That sentence of hers, "And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty..." to me holds the tell: "at last." I hear in those two tiny words some long years of suffering: years of hesitating, of watching people drop by the wayside when she did speak, years of wondering if telling her truth was worth it. It took her a while to get to the "surpassing certainty" part. Yes, sticking close to that inner knowing, or integrity, always comes at a price. Speaking that truth is expensive. I've lost decades-long friendships, gigs, respectability because of it. But I come out the same place as you and Lorde: it is worth it. It is SO worth it. It is in fact the only path to living juicy. Living free.
Asha Sanaker: Thank you for citing us to Audre Lord, whom we lost way too young in 1992. In the link to the "Poetry Foundation," it is amusing to picture the late Senator Jesse Helm talking about Audre Lord. Oh, my, what a hoot! What occurred to raise Mr. Helms' ire? I would PAY to see that one!
Lately, Audre Lorde has been showing up every time I turn the page in the most thoughtful, contemplative ways.
Asha, I agree with you; there are most certainly people I have lost along the way that I will always miss terribly. An ex-sister-in-law who was the closest I'll ever have to an actual sister... still, perhaps to some degree, I have to think that she missed seeing who I was and why I mattered from the very start.
I love Audre Lorde! "A Litany for Survival" is one of my favorite poems.
What you write reminds me of a book I proofread many, many years ago called something like "Women and Evil." It was trying to look at and redefine evil from a feminist perspective. The basic idea was, are you serving an abstract principle, like truth, or are you serving people? While it's easy to critique that as "situational ethics," to me it feels like a higher form of integrity to think about how your actions, even your truth-telling, will affect others. That doesn't mean trying to please everyone, but really thinking about whether what you're thinking needs to be said, what the consequences of your actions will be.
Thanks for writing this thoughtful and nuanced piece!
Thanks for this great piece, Asha, and thanks for your comment, Rosana, which I identify with and makes me think also of the following:
I grapple with the loss of bodily integrity. Sometimes I feel that if I hope to continue on, such that I might contribute to the world in some small way, my choice must simply be to quietly maintain an internal boundary of integrity, fighting to hold onto my truth, even if I cannot safely speak it, and rejecting the judgement and shame of not being able to speak it, which I know belongs to others and not myself, as the not speaking is coercive. I vow to continue to try to create a circle of allies who will be able to speak for each other with some safety so that the work can continue. I vow to support others and myself.
hello Asha, i appreciate the light you’ve shined on this subject—missing the people we lose when we choose to live honestly, freely and safely. as for audre lorde’s quote—i too am a reader of her work—i don’t believe she’s suggesting loss due to integrity is “tidy.” audre lived a life of struggle and wrote about these struggles as they intersected under the crushing weight of the patriarchy. as another commenter noted, you and audre are basically saying the same thing. this subject hits in my chest. while we learn to live with the consequences of choices underpinned by integrity, i don’t think we ever fully recover from the losses. it’s what makes us human. between the lines of audre’s words, one senses a residual pain, even if it has lessened over time. you’ve written another beautiful and thought-provoking essay. thanks for sharing.
I agree with you absolutely that Audre suffered. But I always sensed in her a certain steeliness, a certain unshakeable resolve which I respect, but have never been able to emulate. I’ve been plagued with much more self-doubt. This is all prodding me, though, to get back to her work. It’s been too long.
Zami is annual required reading for me. And this piece you wrote is spot on.
I read Audre Lorde a little differently here so that for me, the two of you are saying very close to the same thing. That sentence of hers, "And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty..." to me holds the tell: "at last." I hear in those two tiny words some long years of suffering: years of hesitating, of watching people drop by the wayside when she did speak, years of wondering if telling her truth was worth it. It took her a while to get to the "surpassing certainty" part. Yes, sticking close to that inner knowing, or integrity, always comes at a price. Speaking that truth is expensive. I've lost decades-long friendships, gigs, respectability because of it. But I come out the same place as you and Lorde: it is worth it. It is SO worth it. It is in fact the only path to living juicy. Living free.
I love that phrasing: “living juicy” YES ❤️
Asha Sanaker: Thank you for citing us to Audre Lord, whom we lost way too young in 1992. In the link to the "Poetry Foundation," it is amusing to picture the late Senator Jesse Helm talking about Audre Lord. Oh, my, what a hoot! What occurred to raise Mr. Helms' ire? I would PAY to see that one!
Maybe something like this poem bothered him:
Recreation
BY AUDRE LORDE
Coming together
it is easier to work
after our bodies
meet
paper and pen
neither care nor profit
whether we write or not
but as your body moves
under my hands
charged and waiting
we cut the leash
you create me against your thighs
hilly with images
moving through our word countries
my body
writes into your flesh
the poem
you make of me.
Touching you I catch midnight
as moon fires set in my throat
I love you flesh into blossom
I made you
and take you made
into me.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42579/recreation
Gorgeous! Thank you for adding that.