Amazing questions as I prepare to facilitate a conversation (and yoga class) on creating community for BIPOC and allies tomorrow night.
When I think of belonging I always return to these words from Maya Angelou:
You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.
Belonging begins when I listen and align with my heart, which is of course, the hardest work of all, but the work I return to in daily practice, for only then can I belong to myself.
I do think belonging to ourselves is crucial. Absolutely essential. *And* I need to feel like I belong to other people, which is vulnerable and dangerous-feeling sometimes, if I’m honest, but also (when it’s good and safe, honest and authentic) like cool water in the desert. Equally essential, in its own way.
This can be such a concrete and yet existential question for me. I know I spent my first 30 years feeling like I didn't really belong anywhere. Now, I know I belong - to the earth, the universe, my spouse and family, and my two local town communities. They have all developed with concerted effort and time spent together and in communication. That is how I feed it and they feed me in kind. An alternate word for me would be 'connection' and it feels like warm, melted butter on bread; comforting, soothing and a relax of tension in the belly & brain. I recognize belonging with this feeling and it can come from reading messages, running into folks and catching up briefly, having regulars plans to meet (even if just once a year), spending regular time in my forest. After 20+ years, these add up to this delicious feeling in the body. Absolutely they have soured and folks I thought were "my people", weren't. I could say the search continues, but I realize that is more out of habit than truth. The need for "more" of everything has waned as I've aged and the appreciation for what I do have has increased. I am full.
I have so many thoughts about this! I am currently editing my own thoughts about how the counterculture community I spent my young adulthood embedded in has shifted as we've grown older and what that means for our community with each other. I still feel such a deep sense of belonging with people who I may not see for a decade, which is strange and so special. I've also been thinking a lot about how our built world makes it especially hard to build real-life connection--not just the isolation of our phones and social media, but even how single-family zoning has affected our physical space and how we share (or don't) our lives with each other. How do we build systems that honor our need for each other? I don't have the answers, but I am working on it. ;)
Thank you, as always, for your insight and thoughts. And I know we only know each other on the internet, but I am happy to belong to you and have you belong to me IRL.
Hi, Cathleen! 😊 I agree completely about the built environment thing. I’m really enjoying the emergence of what are called around here “pocket neighborhoods”, which are basically four smallish houses built on four corners of what would usually be a single house lot with a front and backyard. Then the yard sits between the four houses and is shared. It allows for a balance of privacy and communalism that appeals to me. And you can only fit so many people in four small houses, so it’s not such a big group that decision-making or other community building feels overwhelming. I would love to live in a situation like that someday.
And yes to belonging to each other. I feel that way, too. ❤️
Ooh, pocket neighborhoods. I love that. And I also know that nothing about how mortgages and land ownership are structured make that easy. But it seems like someone or group in your area has figured it out and that is so great! We shouldn't have to hack the system to meet our basic needs of community and companionship.
You're right about mortgages and land ownership. What a racket! I suspect the pocket neighborhoods around here are owned by a single person and then rented, which isn't optimal for a sense of investment by the people involved. :( I wonder how our local eco-village does it? I'm thinking they collectively own the land, but then individuals own their houses? Sort of like condos or buying an apartment in the city? I'll have to do some research.
One of my friends has a small building lot that she is looking at putting into a community land trust, and even though she has explained it to me multiple times, I confess I still do not understand how it works. I don't think it's an accident that these arrangements are so convoluted--half because they're workarounds, and half because the man wants us not to share. (I may have just realized that I really want to bring back "the man" as the catch-all for everything that is wrong with both capitalism and patriarchy.)
I think integrity and belonging are intimately linked. If we are not true to ourselves and honest with ourselves we can’t belong to ourselves. I’ve had a chronic illness radically change, and interestingly deepen, my knowledge of myself. As I show up to relationships with my whole self and share my vulnerability along with my strength then I feel more belonging in that space because I know the other(s) are seeing more of me. If they choose to stick around then the sense of belonging is profound.
Amazing questions as I prepare to facilitate a conversation (and yoga class) on creating community for BIPOC and allies tomorrow night.
When I think of belonging I always return to these words from Maya Angelou:
You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.
Belonging begins when I listen and align with my heart, which is of course, the hardest work of all, but the work I return to in daily practice, for only then can I belong to myself.
I do think belonging to ourselves is crucial. Absolutely essential. *And* I need to feel like I belong to other people, which is vulnerable and dangerous-feeling sometimes, if I’m honest, but also (when it’s good and safe, honest and authentic) like cool water in the desert. Equally essential, in its own way.
This can be such a concrete and yet existential question for me. I know I spent my first 30 years feeling like I didn't really belong anywhere. Now, I know I belong - to the earth, the universe, my spouse and family, and my two local town communities. They have all developed with concerted effort and time spent together and in communication. That is how I feed it and they feed me in kind. An alternate word for me would be 'connection' and it feels like warm, melted butter on bread; comforting, soothing and a relax of tension in the belly & brain. I recognize belonging with this feeling and it can come from reading messages, running into folks and catching up briefly, having regulars plans to meet (even if just once a year), spending regular time in my forest. After 20+ years, these add up to this delicious feeling in the body. Absolutely they have soured and folks I thought were "my people", weren't. I could say the search continues, but I realize that is more out of habit than truth. The need for "more" of everything has waned as I've aged and the appreciation for what I do have has increased. I am full.
I have so many thoughts about this! I am currently editing my own thoughts about how the counterculture community I spent my young adulthood embedded in has shifted as we've grown older and what that means for our community with each other. I still feel such a deep sense of belonging with people who I may not see for a decade, which is strange and so special. I've also been thinking a lot about how our built world makes it especially hard to build real-life connection--not just the isolation of our phones and social media, but even how single-family zoning has affected our physical space and how we share (or don't) our lives with each other. How do we build systems that honor our need for each other? I don't have the answers, but I am working on it. ;)
Thank you, as always, for your insight and thoughts. And I know we only know each other on the internet, but I am happy to belong to you and have you belong to me IRL.
Hi, Cathleen! 😊 I agree completely about the built environment thing. I’m really enjoying the emergence of what are called around here “pocket neighborhoods”, which are basically four smallish houses built on four corners of what would usually be a single house lot with a front and backyard. Then the yard sits between the four houses and is shared. It allows for a balance of privacy and communalism that appeals to me. And you can only fit so many people in four small houses, so it’s not such a big group that decision-making or other community building feels overwhelming. I would love to live in a situation like that someday.
And yes to belonging to each other. I feel that way, too. ❤️
Ooh, pocket neighborhoods. I love that. And I also know that nothing about how mortgages and land ownership are structured make that easy. But it seems like someone or group in your area has figured it out and that is so great! We shouldn't have to hack the system to meet our basic needs of community and companionship.
You're right about mortgages and land ownership. What a racket! I suspect the pocket neighborhoods around here are owned by a single person and then rented, which isn't optimal for a sense of investment by the people involved. :( I wonder how our local eco-village does it? I'm thinking they collectively own the land, but then individuals own their houses? Sort of like condos or buying an apartment in the city? I'll have to do some research.
One of my friends has a small building lot that she is looking at putting into a community land trust, and even though she has explained it to me multiple times, I confess I still do not understand how it works. I don't think it's an accident that these arrangements are so convoluted--half because they're workarounds, and half because the man wants us not to share. (I may have just realized that I really want to bring back "the man" as the catch-all for everything that is wrong with both capitalism and patriarchy.)
I think integrity and belonging are intimately linked. If we are not true to ourselves and honest with ourselves we can’t belong to ourselves. I’ve had a chronic illness radically change, and interestingly deepen, my knowledge of myself. As I show up to relationships with my whole self and share my vulnerability along with my strength then I feel more belonging in that space because I know the other(s) are seeing more of me. If they choose to stick around then the sense of belonging is profound.