Asha Sanaker: These are some of the most powerful words in a relationship that I have encountered:
"At the exact moment when the last papery, purple flowers crumbled into flame and ash, my phone rang. It was my husband. For the first time in months, he asked me how I was as if he cared. So, I told him. I was shocked and sad. Earth-shatteringly heartbroken. His most recent assertion, that I had never loved him, fixated and boggled me, having no relationship to any reality I recognized.
“I’ve loved you with everything I have.” I insisted, through deep, wracking sobs. “And I worked so hard to make it work. I never, ever wanted any of this. You’re doing it. It’s all you. You’ve torn apart our family and I don’t understand how you could do that.”
"Through his own tears, he responded, “You’re right. This is all on me. And I’m so, so sorry.”
"That was the entirety of any apology or acknowledgment I ever got from him, and within weeks he would have sworn on every Bible in the world that he’d never said it. But, he did.
"What mattered for me, though, wasn’t that he owned responsibility for all of it because he couldn’t. Not really. It was that in that dark stillness I found firm ground to stand on, where I knew I had done everything I was capable of and so could let him go."
This is really beautiful Asha. Today is my 86 year old mother's birthday as well as the solstice. I'm going to contemplate your words as I honour this day in all ways. Thanks so much.
Yours is a powerful example of how only when we embrace the darkness can we finally move into the light.
For a few decades now, I celebrate the Solstice in the dark with one candle, reading stories of the light (this one is a favorite: https://findinghome.substack.com/p/here-comes-the-sun) and end with singing the hymn "Thy strong word did cleave the darkness". Then I crank up Gloria Estephan's "Coming out of theDark" and run around the house lighting candles in each room, followed by "Here Comes the Sun". This year I plan on topping it all off with some very yellow sun-lit ice-cold Limoncello!
I plan to be awake for the sun tomorrow, and I will think of your clapping to meet it. Happy solstice. <3
Happy Solstice! ❤️
Asha Sanaker: These are some of the most powerful words in a relationship that I have encountered:
"At the exact moment when the last papery, purple flowers crumbled into flame and ash, my phone rang. It was my husband. For the first time in months, he asked me how I was as if he cared. So, I told him. I was shocked and sad. Earth-shatteringly heartbroken. His most recent assertion, that I had never loved him, fixated and boggled me, having no relationship to any reality I recognized.
“I’ve loved you with everything I have.” I insisted, through deep, wracking sobs. “And I worked so hard to make it work. I never, ever wanted any of this. You’re doing it. It’s all you. You’ve torn apart our family and I don’t understand how you could do that.”
"Through his own tears, he responded, “You’re right. This is all on me. And I’m so, so sorry.”
"That was the entirety of any apology or acknowledgment I ever got from him, and within weeks he would have sworn on every Bible in the world that he’d never said it. But, he did.
"What mattered for me, though, wasn’t that he owned responsibility for all of it because he couldn’t. Not really. It was that in that dark stillness I found firm ground to stand on, where I knew I had done everything I was capable of and so could let him go."
. . .
That story is powerful.
Whew!
Thank you so very much for sharing!
Thank you. ❤️ Happy Solstice!
This is really beautiful Asha. Today is my 86 year old mother's birthday as well as the solstice. I'm going to contemplate your words as I honour this day in all ways. Thanks so much.
Happy birthday to your mama! And happy solstice!
Thank you. I also wrote a solstice post and credited you for the inspiration! You've pushed me to get outside and embrace the day!!
Yours is a powerful example of how only when we embrace the darkness can we finally move into the light.
For a few decades now, I celebrate the Solstice in the dark with one candle, reading stories of the light (this one is a favorite: https://findinghome.substack.com/p/here-comes-the-sun) and end with singing the hymn "Thy strong word did cleave the darkness". Then I crank up Gloria Estephan's "Coming out of theDark" and run around the house lighting candles in each room, followed by "Here Comes the Sun". This year I plan on topping it all off with some very yellow sun-lit ice-cold Limoncello!
Blessings. Wishing you a joyful Winter Solstice!
What a wonderful way to celebrate! Happy Solstice to you, Jan!