An enthusiastic thank you for this commentary. Gaiman's actions felt like devastating betrayal to legions of fans, and while the focus should rightly be on the women immediately affected, his readers are certainly working through some hard emotions. Productive discussions around consent are a good way forward.
Having read the Vulture article, I suspect he also read consent into the fact that his victims would text him and keep in touch afterwards. “They must have liked it, otherwise why would they keep coming back.” Whereas the women’s actions seem rather textbook examples of the fawning/placating response from people who are being abused.
There’s another point here, which is consent is even more critical and complicated when there’s an imbalance of power at work, which implicates Amanda Palmer as well, though certainly not to the same extent. I liked her book The Art of Asking when it came out but after reading the Vulture article I’m very ambivalent about it. There are power dynamics in every relationship, no way around it. But how artful does the asking need to be when you’re someone people idolize? And how frequently are you told “no”?
Absolutely agreed about Palmer. At best, she looks clueless and naive, at worst, willing to put other women in harm’s way to protect her own peace. She’s never been good at self-reflection on her own power and privilege.
You can see it in his eyes in photographs: “I’m so wonderful that there’s no way these young women wouldn’t want me. They’re fans, so they’ve already consented. And no is such a turn on.” So utterly gross. Power differentials are so easy to see at our age, so hard for young people to understand.
An enthusiastic thank you for this commentary. Gaiman's actions felt like devastating betrayal to legions of fans, and while the focus should rightly be on the women immediately affected, his readers are certainly working through some hard emotions. Productive discussions around consent are a good way forward.
Asha Sanaker: Unfortunately, a very needed discussion.
I hope this prevents some predation. If it protects one person, it is worth repeating.
Having read the Vulture article, I suspect he also read consent into the fact that his victims would text him and keep in touch afterwards. “They must have liked it, otherwise why would they keep coming back.” Whereas the women’s actions seem rather textbook examples of the fawning/placating response from people who are being abused.
There’s another point here, which is consent is even more critical and complicated when there’s an imbalance of power at work, which implicates Amanda Palmer as well, though certainly not to the same extent. I liked her book The Art of Asking when it came out but after reading the Vulture article I’m very ambivalent about it. There are power dynamics in every relationship, no way around it. But how artful does the asking need to be when you’re someone people idolize? And how frequently are you told “no”?
Absolutely agreed about Palmer. At best, she looks clueless and naive, at worst, willing to put other women in harm’s way to protect her own peace. She’s never been good at self-reflection on her own power and privilege.
You can see it in his eyes in photographs: “I’m so wonderful that there’s no way these young women wouldn’t want me. They’re fans, so they’ve already consented. And no is such a turn on.” So utterly gross. Power differentials are so easy to see at our age, so hard for young people to understand.