We have had a slew of new folks join us recently here at Let Your Life Speak. Welcome! So glad you’re here. Please dip into the comments and say hello!
When I write I tend to periodically back up to the beginning and read the piece I’m working on out loud to myself to hear how it sounds, usually prefaced by the exclamation, “What the hell am I saying, again?!?!” I wouldn’t assume that upon arriving at my little corner of the internet you trawled through the archive and read all of the early issues of the newsletter, so I thought we might revisit some basic premises of our endeavor here together.
Here, for your edification, is a brief restatement of what the hell I’m saying here. Again. Just so we’re clear. Embedded throughout are links to previous newsletters that provide some essential pieces of the conversation we’re having. I hope you find them thought-provoking.
Where It All Began
This whole newsletter is a rambling conversation about the art of integrity— what it is and how we can actually manage to practice integrity while living our very complicated lives as imperfect humans.
The impetus for me to start the conversation was born out of the experience of growing up in a family and community that were very committed to integrity and justice. Our public identity was tied to our sense of ourselves as being good and peaceful people, so much so that we couldn’t talk about the ways that privately we often weren’t hitting the mark. It was too shameful.
I am here to combat that dissonance, to share my journey to let both my public and private lives speak to my deepest beliefs. I also want to share your stories, as well as resources and links to help us all show up for this work.
As I wrote in my very first newsletter (which also features a picture of me from 1979):
living our beliefs is hard, often humbling, constant work. It requires deep self-investigation and accountability— to yourself, your loved ones, and whatever Higher Power you bow down to. It also cannot be achieved without mercy and compassion, because you will not always behave in the way you believe you should, nor does anyone else. Humor and the ability to laugh at yourself also help; generous laughter is an antidote to shame.
Providing the space for all of us to engage in this work together is, for me, sacred and joyful.
What is integrity, exactly?
I use the definition of integrity laid out in a book on our subject by author Stephen L. Carter. Carter defines integrity as a process in three steps:
discerning what is right and what is wrong,
acting on what you have discerned, even at personal cost, and
stating openly that what you are doing is based on your discernment.
For me, however, integrity is not just a process; it is a practice. The foundation of integrity is wholeness and authenticity, which are both also practices. We try, and we fail, and we try again. Over time the habits of wholeness, authenticity, and integrity get easier, but only because we practice them.
It’s not just about you
Look, I believe in self-help as much as anyone, but we’re not here to maintain the fiction that practicing integrity is simply about personal fulfillment. Integrity is authenticity and wholeness with a social purpose:
integrity is relational. It is about how we bump up against each other as we move through the world together. It is the habit and discipline through which we navigate our inherent needs for autonomy and connection, so that we may exist honestly, fully present, and with conviction in relationship with our family, our community, and our society.
Integrity also isn’t some sort of magical fix that will allow us to inhabit a life free of pain and suffering. Relationships, even the most healthy ones, are complex, unpredictable beasts, through which we are navigating our own, and other people’s, emotional histories, unconscious compulsions, and trauma. Mistakes are inevitable and are often the best way to learn and grow.
Accountability is essential. Through managing our own vulnerability in the face of accountability in our personal relationships, we develop the fortitude and conviction to insist on accountability in society.
Integrity cannot exist in the absence of accountability. If there are no consequences when we step out of our integrity then our families, community, and society are constantly vulnerable to the whims of ego, abuse, and authoritarian power.
My Party, My Rules
This is a community, but as the host of this party, I set the rules. Don’t worry. There are only two rules here at Let Your Life Speak.
You do not have to be religious, or believe in God, or have any spiritual practice whatsoever to hang out here. Everyone is welcome. I try to be careful in my use of religious and spiritual language so everyone can feel part of the conversation, but I am also an unapologetic person of faith with all sorts of mystical tendencies. If questions of morality, ethics, or God mixed in with sex, conflict, parenting, politics, and personal development make you squeamish this is not the party for you. Unsubscribe your heart out.
Doing the work to show up with integrity necessarily involves vulnerability. I will be vulnerable. Other people will be vulnerable. I hope that you will be kind to me and each other, but at the very least, don’t be an asshole.
Please share this edition of the newsletter with someone you think would benefit, or browse the archive and find another that moves you. This is a grassroots, crowd-disbursed, art and love effort over here and I am grateful for your help getting the word out.
Not subscribed yet? You can join the party via the box below! XO, Asha