Sh*t To Help You Show Up April 2, 2021
Finding The Right Stories
I went to bed last night musing on the power of the stories we ingest, how they alter our view of the world and our hearts. And then, of course, I ended up diving in and out of one of those crazy dreams that was so obviously inspired from recent stories I’ve consumed or am living:
There was a big, crazy house that got taken over by a murderous woman who seemed like your average, middle-aged white lady, but who was actually sadistic and evil. (Hello, the new Nancy Drew.) And there were also vampires (thanks podcast that reminded me of Interview With A Vampire), and a pocket reality that expanded like a wave of old school tv static around the house (Ah, WandaVision!). And I thought the evil white lady had killed my friend Todd. I didn’t know what I was going to do about that or how to keep myself safe, but then Todd, in the company of the guy who ran the Bulk Section at the local food co-op for years, appeared on the porch of the house, alive obviously. Turns out they’d just been horribly sick with a terrible virus and unable to get out of bed (Thanks, COVID).
I’ve always been incredibly susceptible to stories, especially stories I watch on TV or film, which is one of the reasons I’ve never been a fan of horror films. I understand, intellectually, why people watch them (I think), but I just can’t let those images into my brain. They take over and I dream them again and again. I don’t figure I mostly need any help having crazy, scary dreams, as you can see.
When my oldest was 9 or 10-years old, he started reading all of those R.L. Stine, Goosebumps sorts of horror books geared towards middle readers. Despite having already read every Harry Potter book available at the time out loud to him, I was concerned about what those crappy horror books were doing to his brain.
A teacher of mine explained that many kids at that age are drawn to those sorts of stories because they are on the cusp of becoming more consciously complicated people moving through a more consciously complicated world. They are beginning to perceive the darkness in the world around them and suspecting it may mirror some darkness within themselves. Reading dark, scary stories allows them to encounter darkness outside themselves in a fictional container so that they can puzzle over what they feel and think about it, which prepares them to encounter it in real-time in themselves and other people.
And lest I think I was immune from such tactics because I was grown, I realized I was in the midst of an extended kick of obsessively watching the TV show Supernatural. (I know, I know. Totally horror-genre, but Buffy the Vampire Slayer changed my relationship years ago to the degree of fantasy-based horror that you can get away with on regular TV.) My life at the time felt very, very dark. I was in the thick of a horrible divorce. I was reliving old traumas at the same time, which left me constantly grief-stricken, confused, disoriented, and lost. So, of course, I was drawn to reluctant heroes that slayed ghosts and demons because it was their karmic, family job.
After months of bingeing the endless number of seasons of that show, though, I realized that it was keeping me in the dark and I didn’t want to be there anymore. I needed stories that would lift me up, remind me of the good in myself and other people, and help me to be hopeful. This brings me around to what I wanted to share with you all today.
Stories are powerful. We instinctually use them to process all kinds of experiences, but they can also draw us forward from where we are to where we want to be. The world being what it is these days, I would submit to you that seeking out stories that are good-hearted, insightful about the state of the world and human nature, but also hopeful about what we can be for and with each other, is one of the best things you can do to help you show up with integrity.
Yes, educate yourself about all that is going wrong with the world— systemic racism, poverty, climate change, war, gender-based violence against women and trans folks. The list is endless. But also seek out stories full of laughter and thoughtfulness and hope to refill your cup for the work.
I put out a call to my network for their favorite TV shows that fit this description. I started the list with two of my favorite shows of recent years— The Good Place (currently available on Apple+ TV, Netflix, and Hulu) and Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist (Peacock, NBC, and Hulu, among others)— which, if you haven’t seen I will submit that you must. The Good Place is a hilarious and heartwarming primer on integrity. Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist deals with grief, family, friendship, romance, and integrity, all with singing and dancing. It is like every fantasy I had growing up of what my real life would be like if it became a musical.
A friend suggested a show I’d never even heard of, Somebody Feed Phil (that’s Phil in the photo at the top), which is a food and travel show on Netflix with the most darling, middle-aged, nerdy Jewish man as the host. I started watching it last night, and I think I’m in love. Phil loves food, people, dancing with little kids, and kvetching with old ladies. He video calls his elderly parents in every episode! What a delight it is to encounter the world with Phil. Go watch it if you haven’t already. It will steal your heart, too.
And now, in no particular order, here is the rest of the list that my very amazing network gave me. Some I’ve seen (I’ll bold those), and some I haven’t. If you have additions, put them in the comments! Let’s help each other find good stories.
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Steven Universe
Star Trek Discovery
Star Trek Picard
Freaks & Geeks
Schitt’s Creek
Younger
Ted Lasso
Sense8
Forever
Baroness von Sketch
Mr. Mayor
Letterkenney
This is Us
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Jane the Virgin
Episodes
What would you add to this list?
I’m getting my first COVID vaccine today! Woot-woot! Send me positive, not-too-sore-or-feverish thoughts, please, since I’m alone until evening with three kids and dinner to make. Thanks, my lovelies!
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"Good Witch" on Netflix, A very good series.