Happy Birthday to Us!

Our third anniversary. Can you believe it?

Happy 2024, my friends. I’m writing this on New Year’s Day— two days before my 52nd birthday and three days before our third anniversary. Sitting here, I’m trying to cast my mind back to when we started, and it’s like a different world, honestly.

Three years ago, the pandemic was in full force and I was still collecting pandemic unemployment. I had a live-in partner and four kids at home (two of mine and two of his). My oldest hadn’t graduated from high school and my youngest was in middle school. I still thought I could redeem the whole nuclear family story for myself, albeit in a blended family form. And (hilariously) I really thought I knew where this newsletter was headed because I had this integrity thing on lock, that everything important I had to share I learned in the past and not, for instance, while writing each week and trying to figure out, What the hell was I saying?

If I needed to learn that I’m still a work in progress, the last three years have been good school for that. But they’ve also taught me more than I ever imagined about mercy— for myself and other people— so I wouldn’t trade a moment of it.

If life were a degree-awarding situation, I earned a minor in “finally understanding the extent to which everyone I know (including me) is just making it up as they go along”. This was not how I ever imagined my 50s working (or my 30s, or my 40s. I kind of expected it in my 20s?) I think it’s safe to say, at this point, that the only confidence I have is that no matter what happens, I’ll show up the best I can and eventually be okay. Maybe this is the only confidence I ever needed.

Each of us is unprecedented in the history of the universe, and so, though I can share here what’s working for me in practicing my integrity (and will continue to), I can’t claim any hard and fast authority on any of this. We’re all constantly navigating uncharted territory, and the only way forward is getting in there and trying (and failing) to the best of our ability. A few steps forward, a few steps back. Over and over again.

The further along I get (here at the newsletter and in my daily life) the less I’m interested in morality as a guide, and the more I believe in authenticity, vulnerability, and accountability above all else. If I’m reaching for those things, even if I don’t always manage to grasp ahold of them as firmly as I’d like, I’m on the right path, no matter where I am.

So, that’s my plan for this fourth year of the newsletter— to continue to reach for those things for myself, to share with you all what helps and what gets in my way, and to invite you to share your mistakes and successes in return. There’s no getting out of doing our own work or figuring out our own path, but good, honest company can go a long way toward making the journey more joyful and less burdensome.

I look forward to us being good, honest company for each other.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

I’m also still committed to this special project on ambition for my paying folks. Right now, I’m at the tail end of a stunning, little book on writing and ambition by poet Lee Upton which I’m looking forward to sharing with you all. I’m starting to line up interviews with a variety of smart folks, as well, which I’m hoping might actually be video conversations. Crazy! But exciting for me. I hope for you, too.

If that’s of interest to you, or if you just want to swap out a fancy coffee and a pastry every month for the chance to support my work, I’m offering a discount on paid memberships through January.

30% off in honor of our third birthday! Huzzah!

As I mentioned last week, I’m in the woods on retreat for a few days. So, please forgive me if I don’t respond to comments immediately. I’ll be back home on the weekend and back here next week ready for any and all conversation.

Be well, my lovelies. I’m so glad we’re in this together.

Love, Asha