Another year is nearly gone. To figure out where the hell it all went I looked back through all the editions of the newsletter for 2022. “Oh, right!” I found myself exclaiming. “That happened! And that! And that!”
No wonder I’m exhausted and a little disoriented. What about you?
To name a few things that happened this year, my kids and I finally all got Covid. My youngest got it twice! And my oldest had top surgery at long last after years of impatient waiting. Since we live in a fairly rural place this meant multiple trips to a surgeon two hours away, before the procedure, for the big day, and after for follow-up. But thank god we even have the option, unlike parents in Texas who were being prosecuted for securing medically-approved care for their trans kids.
I went to NYC twice. In the fall for my youngest kid’s birthday and in the spring to perform at Carnegie Hall, which was a once-in-a-lifetime sort of thing. I also started a new relationship quite unexpectedly with someone I’d known for over a decade. I met his kids, which somehow had never happened, and siblings, and then had Thanksgiving at his parent’s house, all of which filled me with unanticipated delight. My kids approve, thank goodness, and I think he’s grand.
I attended my first (and likely only ever) ayahuasca ceremony. It was horrible in some respects, but also, ultimately, healing in ways I didn’t quite anticipate. More on that in a moment.
In May I attended my first-ever writing retreat, met one of my writing heroes, and screwed up my courage to invite her to join us here, which she did. I also submitted work to two other newsletters, writing essays about nude art modeling at fifty and my schema for coming to peace with the wakefulness that seems endemic to perimenopause. We got shout-outs in a couple of other newsletters as well, which brought an unexpected boost in subscriptions. If you came here because of Oldster Magazine, Night Water, Tiny Revolutions, or Ask E Jean, it’s fantastic to have you. Thanks for sticking around.
Miraculously, I kept all my bills paid and dealt with a leaky roof, which required a contract for a brand new one and a GoFundMe to help cover the costs. It was a lesson in community, humility, and gratitude, for sure. I also gave my first public lecture on integrity— at a nudist’s retreat this past summer. It was successful and wild in a how-is-this-my-life? kind of way.
Oh! And I applied for so many jobs because as much as I wish the newsletter paid all my bills, it doesn’t. Most of those applications went nowhere. A few resulted in interviews. Finally, in early December, I started my first full-time job outside my house in nearly six years.
While all of that was going on I also showed up here, with you all, for 101 editions of the newsletter. All together, writing 119,090 words. (Yes, I counted.) This means that since I started Let Your Life Speak in January 2020 I’ve written more than two books worth of text. And yet I spent much of the year berating myself for not doing enough and being an utter creative disappointment, which is clearly daft.
I do think, however, that I could stand to listen more deeply in the next year to you all. I’m planning some changes to make that more possible, which I’ll explain at the end. Based on your likes and comments, through what you open and what you share, I get some sense of what aspects of this rambling conversation are most important to you, but I’d like to have the time to really think about what might stimulate more active conversation. So far, you still seem to be interested in the basics of integrity practice, as well as resources, which help you puzzle over the real-world applications of integrity on a personal and public level. Does that feel right to you? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
To wrap things up for the year, here are some of the most liked and read editions of the newsletter in 2022. Some of them were sent to everybody and some to only paid subscribers, but now they’re all public in case you missed any of them. If you see something in them that you want to see more of in 2023, let me know in the comments. Making this whole conversation as meaningful for you all as it is for me is my goal. Your feedback makes that possible.
#1: Don’t Throw The Baby Out With The Bathwater
In this edition of the newsletter, we talked about toxic positivity, but also about the necessary work to make meaning out of our mistakes and tragedies. That work should never be dictated or required by anyone outside ourselves, and it takes as long as it takes if we embark upon it. But, as hard as it can be, at least we’re all doing it together.
#2: All Jammed Up
Maybe, like me, you don’t have enemies. But maybe, also like me, you harbor rafts of resentments? It might make perfectly good sense why, but it’s also an energy-suck and a huge obstacle to integrity practice. Here’s what worked for me to loosen up a lot of old, stuck junk that was jamming up my brain and heart.
#3: Embracing The Inevitable
Oh, vulnerability! We sometimes think there’s a future coming in which we won’t be vulnerable, but there isn’t. Vulnerability is the coin we pay to be alive. The question becomes, therefore, what are you willing to offer that coin for?
#4: Not Your Average Gift Guide
I used to run an independent bookstore and am in love with libraries, all because I am in love, love, love with books. So, a few weeks ago I offered you all a list of books you could request or gift for the holidays. You can also just procure them and read them in the New Year. Just promise me you’ll tell me what you think once you do.
#5: I Don’t Think That Word Means What You Think It Means
Way back in February, in a short series of posts, I tackled some big questions about love. The first, which went out to paid subscribers and is now public, was on the notion of unconditional love. This post was the second, about romantic ideas around love and fate. Perhaps surprisingly for some, I’m a big fan of romantic love. But unsurprisingly for probably everyone, I also have thoughts about it. Lots of you liked this one, so I suspect you have thoughts as well.
#6: Integrity At Scale
With new subscribers coming and going all the time, periodically we have to revisit some of the basics of integrity practice. After a flurry of new sign-ups back in March, I did just that, providing links to a bunch of earlier editions of the newsletter that discussed different aspects of integrity in depth. Then we got into how integrity functions on a larger scale. First, it’s for us, but then it’s for communities, corporations, and governments. Cumulatively, integrity trickles up.
#7: What Lies Beneath
Part of discerning how to align our lives with our beliefs is ascertaining what our core beliefs are— the values that underlie and animate all the other ideas we have about the world and how it should operate. Together, in this edition of the newsletter, we walked through one of my core beliefs. Clarifying our core beliefs helps many of us with our discernment, it turns out. What about you?
Finally, here are a couple of the best-received essays I wrote just for paid subscribers, which now I’m offering up to everyone. I hope they're helpful to you. Let me know.
#8: What Would I Do For Love?
As I mentioned, I attended an ayahuasca ceremony earlier this year. It felt like a hail-mary attempt to dislodge some old, stuck trauma and get my life into more alignment with my beliefs. I didn’t know if it would work and didn’t quite the way I expected. But it absolutely did, in fact, do what I had hoped it would.
#9: A Lineage Of Good Women
It’s incredibly useful to understand what motivates your integrity practice. For me, it’s interrupting generational trauma and becoming a different kind of woman than the women of my family have historically been. What motivates you in your practice?
These last two posts bring me around to the changes I’m planning for the newsletter in 2023. They are two-fold. One, I’m going to start publishing just once a week, on Fridays. In order to listen more deeply to what you all want out of the newsletter I need to slow down, write less, and listen more. Hopefully, slightly less of my voice will make space for more of yours. Two, I’m changing my approach to paid subscriptions. I don’t want to put content behind a paywall anymore. So, everything I write will go to everyone. Becoming a paid subscriber is really, therefore, about supporting my writing and this community, not getting something that other people don’t. Perhaps not offering “exclusive content” will affect my paid subscriber list negatively, but I hope not.
As our “free” social media platforms are increasingly revealed to be corrupt and crumbling, we have to step up to pay for the content we want to see more of. If you have the means, please do. You can use the button below before January 15, 2023 for 20% off. Happy birthday to us!
Happy New Year, and see you next Friday! As always, thanks for being here. It means the world.
XO, Asha
Thanks for continuing on with this project, Asha! I enjoy reading what you write whether it is focused on integrity or not. Maybe some people do want that specific content, so I am just speaking for myself here! I think you demonstrate integrity in your life and that comes through in your writing about a range of topics. I appreciate what I think is your willingness to show that being a human being practicing integrity is not a perfect art form but a process. Thanks and happy new year!
Happy New Year, Asha! I related so much to your words about not feeling like you're done enough. Same girl, same! Here's to more patience with ourselves in 2023!